just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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