I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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