you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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