dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
