apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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