He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
