Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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