I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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