North Korea, Best Korea!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
