For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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