The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
