did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
