Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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