get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
