so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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