girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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