You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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