flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
