We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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