she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
