so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
