That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
