Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
