Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
