Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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