You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
