Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
