i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
