May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
