i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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