I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
