I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
