You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
