yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
