Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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