So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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