Plan B is the new Plan A
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
