Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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