I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
