I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
