I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
