I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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