The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
