My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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