I just made out with a guy for $7.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
