I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
