two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
