we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Alive.
So much puke
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
