Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
