Ambien. No doubt about it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
