You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
