Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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