We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
