i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
