apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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